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So, what are we supposed to do with all of these feelings that come with attraction?

  • Feeling like it is impossible to stop thinking about the person you have a crush on. It’s almost as if the person you have a crush on is haunting you…and you love it a little more than you ought to.
  • Feeling worthless and insecure when you haven’t been on a date in years. “Of course I’m the problem! If I was more _______ then people would want to go on dates with me!”
  • Feeling guilty because you are attracted to someone you shouldn’t be attracted to.
  • …just to name a few

These feelings are difficult to simply ignore. So, what options do we have for how we handle them? Read the rest of this entry »

Physical attraction is hard to compete with. When someone is not attracted to your physical features, there’s little, if anything, you can do to change the fact. However, as we discussed in chapter 1.1, since attraction is more of an experience than a choice, one should not be deeply hurt when the feelings of attraction aren’t mutual.

On the other hand, physical characteristics are the very things that trigger attraction in the first place. Anything from our eye color to our athletic build can be a ‘trigger’ that someone else finds attractive. The problem is we just don’t know what those triggers are for everybody else. Often times a quality or characteristic that we consider to be our most attractive feature is not what creates the spark for someone else. So, we wind up spending a lot of money altering our physical appearance in hopes that something we change will trigger attraction in someone (or everyone) else.

…and therein lies the problem. Read the rest of this entry »

Before we can discuss the practical steps of dating, we should discuss some of the intangible factors that you will have to deal with no matter what method you choose to employ. The first is the reality of attraction.

Attraction is a wonderful mystery. You can’t fabricate it, you rarely can anticipate it, and it’s nearly impossible to disagree with it. It can be your greatest asset in dating or your biggest liability. No matter what dating method you choose, you will have to remember that attraction will always be a factor you won’t be able to control. It’s hard-wired into each person and unless they show you their cards, you can never be quite sure whether they find you attractive or not. Read the rest of this entry »

Author: Matt Lantz

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Illustrations are designed and hand-drawn by my wife, Darcie. Visit her graphic design website at


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