So, what are we supposed to do with all of these feelings that come with attraction?

  • Feeling like it is impossible to stop thinking about the person you have a crush on. It’s almost as if the person you have a crush on is haunting you…and you love it a little more than you ought to.
  • Feeling worthless and insecure when you haven’t been on a date in years. “Of course I’m the problem! If I was more _______ then people would want to go on dates with me!”
  • Feeling guilty because you are attracted to someone you shouldn’t be attracted to.
  • …just to name a few

These feelings are difficult to simply ignore. So, what options do we have for how we handle them?

1. Indulge.  Your first option is to indulge your feelings, whatever they may be. If you’re infatuated with someone, just spend every other five minutes stalking their Facebook page. If you’re depressed because you’re lonely, convince yourself that you’re a victim and there’s nothing that can help you. If you’re just looking for a fix, then use someone for their body and the sexual satisfaction they can give you.

I’m not your Sunday school teacher, so I won’t make this into a guilt trip. Nevertheless, we all know that this option is never a good one if you’re interested in falling in love. Why? Because self-indulgent people have no idea how to love anyone but themselves.

By the way, we should remember that we all start out like this.

2. Resist.  Naturally, resisting your emotions is the most conservative approach to dealing with emotions associated with attraction. Though effective in avoiding the pitfalls of self-indulgence – resisting every emotion can be just as dangerous.

We should certainly resist the feelings associated with attraction if they tempt us towards indulgence. When we recognize that we may lack the strength to withstand such temptations, then the feelings should be resisted through self-discipline. If you are not able to keep focus because your thoughts constantly tend towards your crush, then it’s time to practice self-control. If your feelings of loneliness are leading you towards isolation, then you should resist the feelings that you know are harmful and replace them with truth until your emotions come in line.

Resisting all emotions all the time is never a healthy thing either, by the way. Resisting your emotions is should be a defense against feelings of attraction that you cannot or do not want to see grow into something more.

3. Mature. When you do find someone you are attracted to (and your attraction is appropriate), then the best course of action is to mature your feelings. In other words, attraction shouldn’t remain attraction for too long. If it does (and goes unresisted) then it will almost always turn into infatuation. Infatuation, then, will invariably turn into indulgence. However, when attraction is properly matured it will grow out of attraction and into a general appreciation or liking of the other person. It begins to consider not just the physical appearance of the other person but his or her personality and character as well. Then, that liking can mature further into love which will be a much more appropriate foundation for marriage.

The proper maturation of the positive feelings associated with attraction can be cultivated within a dating relationship. The remainder of this blook will be a discussion of how that cultivation can/should happen in a way that is healthy, full of respect, and selfless. The next entry will begin chapter two which will outline the basic method for how a guy should ask a girl on a date.